culture fix

i laid a pillow on my bed.
i set books beside my pillow.
the space left for me was
uncannily the size of
the space left for me
for two years in the beds we shared in
a time that seems long ago.
Sweet time, holy time, sometimes.
Sometimes a time wrought with distress.

What I remember in this moment
is the way you massaged this aching back
Or you rubbed my short hair and tugged it.
I recall you laughing in my ear.
I recall singing in the dark with you.

I said things then, like,
"Remind me to do this or that in the morning."
You replied things like,
"Okay."
And i would ask silly things, like,
"Promise?"
You replied sensible things, like,
"I'll try. I love you."

Till the last, I drank your scent like ambrosia;
Till the last it felt sacred to be held by you.
I regret only
I didn't hold you as much.

I dreamt last night
a familiar story.
I was in bed with you
and She lay between us.
She was Anyone and She was my friend.
Through the dream more and more
Was asked of me.
Herculean emotional tasks
being a sister to her and an ex-lover to you.
Struggling through impossible cirumstances
I had questions for you.
Why was this happening?
Why couldn't we all be happy, not just two at a time?
Was i also your sister, or just your ex-lover?
and, now, i want to ask,
Why am i still dreaming this story?

But what i remember in this moment
is that you held my shaking, crying
body
And you stroked my trembling skin
till i was still.
I reached out my cupped hands
to show you a particle of hope
And it flooded our dreams with joy.
Exhausted, there was nothing left to do
But sleep soundly.

I recall this vividly.
Our bodies made
insurpassable harmony, always.
The sharp sweet expression
of unpeeling an orange.
Dolphins breaking the air.
Seeds coupling with the soil.
We made the heat of a new star, birthed.
We crowded the night above us
with flying violins.

I am determinedly far away and
that time seems long ago.
You and I speak rarely
but i want to ask a favor.
Remind me to remember in the morning.
Okay.
Promise?

I draw close to my stack of books
and sleep soundly.
That is all there is left to do.